Always

Always.</b>

You don’t know this, but I’m always watching you. It’s easy for you to miss. Despite being an amazing shinobi, you’re not very perceptive when it comes to social behaviour.

The fact that you always have one eye covered makes it easier to watch you without you noticing. I can never decide whether or not I want you to know.

I can wake up one morning, get out of bed, and go: “Okay! Today, I’m going to tell Hatake Kakashi how I feel!”

And then, I see you, and I dissolve into an uncontrollable pile of mush. I stutter, I blush, I scratch at my scar and I just—I run away.

I’ve always liked you, I’ve just never known how to tell you. Not that it matters, anyway, since you don’t notice me.

Sometimes, I wonder if you even remember me, because I can walk down the street and wave at you, and you’ll wave back, but with a look of confusion, as if you recognize me, but can’t place where you’ve seen me before.

Every fucking day, Kakashi! Every fucking day, I speak to you, and yet you still don’t know who I am when I pass you in the streets!

Sometimes, I get so frustrated that I just want to run up to you, shake you, and yell, “I’m Umino Iruka! I work in the missions office! I taught Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke! I talk to you every fucking day, how can you not remember me, dammit!”

But I—I can’t! I can’t just run up to you and say that! Because then—even if you don’t remember me now—you will after that. And you’ll never speak to me again.

I would rather cherish those few minutes a day that I have with you, than have you remember me as the crazy Chuunin who yelled at you for apparently no reason.

Oh, look. How convenient. You’re walking in, and completely ignoring me, as usual. You always head over to Genma, chat with him for a bit, and then come to hand in your mission report.

“Sorry it’s late, and a little crinkled.”

Oh God, I hate it when you say that, because then, you look sheepish and rub the back of your head. I always blush when you do that!

It makes me feel—like you actually look at me; acknowledge me.

Realize that I exist.

“That’s okay, at least it’s in.”

My hands didn’t shake when I grabbed your report. Iruka one, embarrassment zero.

“That’s good, then. Bye.”

And with a hand seal, you’re gone. Just like always. And the next time we meet, you won’t even remember who I am. I’m just “the mission room guy”.

It depresses me to know so much about you, and have you know nothing about me. Did you know that when I walk, I have a slight limp in my right leg? It’s from when Mizuki hit me in the back with a Windmill Shuriken.

Did you know I actually don’t like ramen? I just eat it because Naruto loves it, and I don’t want to leave him alone.

Did you know...

What am I saying, of course you don’t know. You don’t know me at all. That’s why, when I go to bed at night, I dream that, secretly, when you’re at home lying in bed, you sigh and wish that Umino Iruka would notice you like you notice him.

Because you watch him.

Always.

END.